Bosintang: I get it!

A lot of people think eating dog is weird, if not downright disgusting. I tried some dog meat a while back just for the hell of it. It's just the butchered and cooked meat of another animal, right?

I only had a couple bites and thought it was kind of weird tasting, but my slight aversion might have been more psychological than flavor-related. Paul and Eric sure didn't like it though. Paul was the one who kept demanding we travel to the farthest side of town to find a dog restaurant for weeks on end. He was in a frenzy that could only be satisfied with dog meat, and after he saw a heaping plate of cooked flesh he was a different man. "All I could think of was all the dogs in my life who were nice to me," he said. They both nearly puked with the thought.

Anyway, I get it now! After listening to the infernal little creatures mindlessly barking at all hours of the day, I realized that coming up with this dish was just an excuse to kill annoying dogs! Think about it: the senseless barking keeps you up when you want to sleep at night, and wakes you up early when you want to sleep. Dealing with this long enough will surely drive a man to murder his neighbor's pet, and way back when, when Korea was a poor country without much food, making a soup out of the dog was a perfect cover story!

It's much easier to save face by saying that your family was hungry and you had to kill your neighbors dog than by saying that the pocket-sized runt was driving you into a murderous frenzy. And even then, if someone questioned you further, you throw in the baseless claim that it helps with virility and stamina.

Knee Arthroscopy!

Last Thursday, I went to an orthopedic clinic. Ever since the ball hockey tournament, when I was alternating between running and resting all day long, my knees had felt three times their age. This wasn't nearly as bad as the sharp pain I had in my right knee last fall, but I was feeling creaky and weak, and I didn't like it.

The x-rays didn't show anything, as expected. The doctor suggested two options to me. An MRI for W350,000 or arthroscopy for W150,000. Those estimates are about $315 and $135, respectively. I went for the arthroscopy because it was cheaper. The doctor said it was more accurate too.

I got it done immediately. No waiting, no appointments. They propped me up on a table and a series of nurses and doctors came in and out and did various things to my right knee. It got shaved, then injected, then swabbed with iodine, and repositioned. The camera looked like a small shiny grease gun.

Obviously my knee was all numbed up. I could still sense pressure, though. And I could feel them pushing and popping the camera around my knee as I watched the video images on a TV on the wall in front of me. Getting to watch the inside of my knee was totally worth the discomfort of having a camera jammed up in my kneecap.

It turns out I had some inflammation of the cartilage behind my kneecap. I think some of the other cartilage was a little worn too. Anyway, they popped the camera out after about twenty minutes and cleaned me up. The doctor told me I shouldn't run or climb for 2-4 weeks. I went to the pharmacy and walked home feeling fine.

Here's the worst part though! I don't know what the pills I got at the pharmacy are, but I can't drink while I'm taking them! One week with no beer. It doesn't sound that bad, but last weekend when I was in Busan to watch, because I couldn't run, my friends do a 10K by the ocean, I couldn't enjoy a fresh Hite in the evenings. No drinking on the train ride, no drinking in the sun on the beach, no drinking in the evenings. It was rough. But it did save me a bit of won, and it proves that I'm no alcoholic. At least that's good news!

Seoul Ball Hockey Tournament!

Last fall and winter I played ball hockey in a small league in Daegu. "Ball hockey" was a new term for me. I was used to floor hockey and street hockey and ice hockey and field hockey. Most of the people who play are Canadians though, and they have some funny words for things, like calling hats or beanines "tuks".

Anyway, ball hockey makes sense I guess. It's not on a street, it's outdoor and thus not on a floor, not on ice, nor on grass. In any case, on the 8th of May, the Seoul ball hockey league held a tournament that involved eight teams. Six teams were from Seoul, one from Busan, and one made up of star players from my humble Daegu league. Naturally, I was on it.

A lot of people from our team went to Seoul Saturday morning. I went up Friday night with some other guys and one girlfriend. We stayed in the same love motel as some of our other teammates. Some love motels are nice, some are kinda sketchy. This one was a little sketchy. I made the mistake of looking down between the edge of the bed and the wall. I won't make that mistake again.

The tournament was played at two rinks, each rink with a division of four teams. We played at the Olympic park in Jamsil, a really nice place for ball hockey. We got shut out our first two games, and things were looking pretty grim for our day. At the end of our first game, I got our teams only penalty for tripping with some enthusiastic back-checking. We both hit the deck, but the other kid his head on the ground. He was okay though. I talked with some obnoxious Americans while in the box. They were part of the all-American team that we played in our third game, and final game of the round-robin. We kicked their asses 5-1, I think. They had been drinking pretty steadily, which may have helped us.



After the round-robin, in which we finished 3rd out of 4, we had to go over to the other rink. The second rink was bigger than the first, which in turn was bigger than the one we play on in Daegu. We were pretty worn out, but so was everyone else. We beat our first round opponent. We had a game off before the next round. At the start of the second round game, Moose got a high-stick right above the eye. I was right near him and blood was dripping everywhere. He came back though, with a bandage wrapped around his head. It was a good thing too, because that game ended in a tie, and after the initial three shooters on each team were stoned, Moose came through with a goal, and then our goalie stuffed their last chance shooter.



We were in the championship game, and we got one game's worth of rest while the other semifinal game was being played. We were all excited about our chances because we were getting a rest, and then we came out and scored a quick goal right off the bat. That was the end though, because the other team took it to us and kicked our asses. Our goalie Adam did all he could, but it just was too much. BUT! after losing our first two games and not having too many expectations, we were quite happy with second place, and it was a fun, though exhausting tournament.



That night there was a banquet at a Canadian brewery. I had one plate of French fries, hot dog, nachos, and pizza, and I was full. I thought I would eat so much more. But the beer was the main attraction. They had 4-liter jugs with their own nozzle. My ex-girlfriend Terry came out to meet me with her sister and later some of her friends came, including her new boyfriend. Sorta weird, but probably more weird for him. Paul was in Seoul and he came out to meet me. It was fun, we went to a noraebang, and I was pretty drunk by the time I got back to the love motel to find Josh and his girlfriend smoking cigarettes outside. They convinced me to hit another noraebang with them. It was a fun night.

Tiny-Ass Dogs

I was walking home from downtown the other night, and I took a different route than I usually do. It only made sense, I was in a different part of downtown than I usually am, after all. It turned out that I was walking along the tiny-ass dog street.

In Korea, shops that sell the same thing come in clusters. There's a street in Daegu that is literally lined with cell phones stores, all selling the same thing. There must be 40 or 50 of them. There's a motorcycle street, and every shop sells used Daelims and Hyosungs that are dressed up to look like Hondas and Suzukis. Between my apartment and the bars and restaurants downtown there's a street that's lined with wedding shops. And I had just discovered the tiny-ass dog street, even though it was relatively low-scale. There were only four or five shops next to each other.

I don't really understand the interest in tiny-ass dogs. I could've fit a pair in my coat pocket, and I wasn't even wearing my coat with the big pockets. One of the workers was taking a couple out of their little display cube, and easily fit both in her hands. And this was a small Asian woman. I guess Korea is so crowded that you can't really expect everyone to walk around with a golden retriever or German Shepard. I guess Koreans are really into cute shit, so dogs that can fit in your purse seem like a good idea. Maybe people really just like Paris Hilton because she's famous and blond and was relevant to Western popular culture about three years ago.

But I still don't really get it. In fact, I have trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that these little fuckers are distantly related to the proud strong wolf. Thousands of years of selective breeding by humans sure can produce some interesting results. And as if the micro-chihuahuas aren't bizarre enough, they get dressed up in shirts and get their ears and tails dyed pink. If a wolf ever came across one of these freaks, it would be a quick snack.

The worst part about these shoe-sized mongrels though, is that a couple live really close to me. I think my neighbors have one of the little fuckers. I know there is another one that lives in the house on the other side of my apartment's parking lot. That bastard barks it's mindless head off whenever I leave or arrive on my motorcycle. I want to climb over the wall and punt it. That one isn't so bad though. It's not actually really really small, so it still sounds like a dog when it barks.

My neighbor's dog though, really deserves to be made into a meal. I think it would make a good batch of boshin-tang. If it hears my footsteps in the hallway, it barks. If the other dog starts barking, it barks. If its 5AM and there's nothing else to do, it barks. And it barks like a small dog, which means it really just yelps. It doesn't start or stop for any decent reason. I want it dead.

Over the winter, I had my windows closed a lot, and I'm guessing my neighbors did too. Maybe the little fucker was happy lying on the heated floor and shutting its mouth. But since spring has come, its been a different story. It's not so bad on the weekdays because I get up a little after 7AM anyway. But on the weekends, I want to sleep in. Now, sleeping in means I sleep until the dog wakes me up. Sometimes I can ignore it. Those are the good days.

Maybe one day I'll dog-nap it and leave it out on the street to fend for its pathetic, groomed, long white-haired self. It wouldn't survive a week. There are street dogs which were once of the domesticated breed but have essentially turned into wild animals adapted to the city as their habitat. These street dogs wouldn't let the little princess have a scrap to eat. They'd probably just maul it to death for fun. Then I could sleep easy.

Flag Progress

This is the current state of my delivery-menu Korean flag:



I haven't had much time to work on it lately. Between getting to the climbing gym twice a week, seeing my new girlfriend, and meeting up with my other friends, I'm a very busy man.

I still intend to keep up with this though. Hopefully I can get at least one session in this week. I ran into a friend from my old neighborhood downtown this weekend, and he said he was really into this. He's been checking out the photo updates I post on Facebook. Now that I know some people actually pay attention to these photos, I feel like I can't let him down.

I'm going to add this link to my sidebar so you loyal readers of mine can check up on it without digging through my multitudinous posts. If you click into the gallery, you can see a larger photo of the progress after each session. And by session, I mean album. I listen to an album and glue little pieces of paper onto a larger piece of paper. Not only can you see each album's progress, but I even thoughtfully let you know what album I listened to so you can marvel at the scope of my musical interests.

April Fool's Day Prank Prank Results

So I suppose the April Fool's Day Prank Prank was fairly successful. The three of us had dinner at a rotisserie chicken and dish-pizza restaurant that was overly hip in the vein of polished concrete floors and tractors as decoration. I could only bring myself to act so gay before I started to feel weird. Anyway, at the restaurant we compared hand sizes and I talked about how big his muscles were and how he looked really strong when he had his shirt off after playing flag-football on Saturday mornings.

Also, I wore this really tight Korean shirt I bought awhile back. It's white, short-sleeved, and has a deep buttoned collar that is lined with something that looks like tuxedo ruffles. I was gonna go with nothing underneath, but that would've been overkill if my nipples were out in broad sight.

After the restaurant, I bought everyone cupcakes. Then we went to a teddy bear cafe. We sat at a table with teddy bears in a large room dominated by pinks, blues, and other pastels and various forms of lace. I fed Jonathan snacks and Miju had to excuse herself to the restroom to avoid cracking up in our faces over that move. Jonanthan and I both agreed we had to step up our act, because until that point I guess we hadn't been selling it too well. Jonathan had been questioning Miju about me, asking what was up with me, and if I was really a high school cheerleader like I claimed, but she didn't seem to think I was being gay enough.

As we were walking to the subway, I kept inviting Jonathan to a gay club I claimed to visit a lot, and also to the public baths where we would have to be naked together. Jonathan began talking to Miju separately, telling her he was reconsidering his position on me, and he had actually been involved with a bisexual dude in Texas. At first she didn't believe it, but she covertly sent me a text saying "He just told me he's bi!" and gave me a signal to cut the act out on the down-low.

As she went into the subway alone, Jonathan and I were cracking up, and decided he would text her saying to wait, that he has one more thing to tell her, and I would follow him down and we'd surprise her with a big "April Fool's!" He was talking to her at the ticket machine as I hid behind a dividing wall. I snuck up behind them as they were walking towards the gates and just before she went though, she turned around to see me with a super confused and worried look on her face. We had our laugh as she figured out what was going on. She was a bit angry, but not that angry I guess, because now she and I are dating.

The April Fool's Prank Prank

I'm not really one for pranks. In school, I used to put chalk in the ribbed undersides of erasers, so when the teacher went to erase something on the blackboard, she actually just drew large arcing swaths across the board for a split second before realizing what was going on and removing the chalk. That's about all I was good for.

My friend Miju likes pranks much more than I do. She said in high school she and her friend pulled the old Saran Wrap over the toilet seat prank, much to the chagrin of the janitorial staff. She also did an April Fool's prank at a bake sale her school put on. She and a friend replaced the white cream in Oreo cookies with toothpaste and sold them. That prank didn't work as well, because when people ate them, they liked them, and thought it was just a new mint flavor. I think it still makes a good story though.

I suggested she pull a good prank on her middle school students, since she already toys with them by making them do ridiculous things like gaze into each others' eyes and do "cutesy" rock/paper/scissors. She obviously thought a prank would be a great idea, for the sake of teaching about a Western tradition, of course. The problem is, we couldn't think of anything, but the good news is that we came up with a prank to pull on one of her friends. However, I also came up with a prank to pull on her while she thinks she's pulling a prank.

Her friend Jonathan is a quiet black man whose hobbies seem to be working out twice a day, going to church, going to bed early, and not drinking alcohol. The original prank involves a short back-story. Let me elaborate:

Two weeks ago, there was a welcoming dinner for all the new foreign teachers in my program. These dinners are a great opportunity for us grizzled veterans to see if there are any new teachers who are attractive, and for us to meet one new person before just hanging out with our friends. I was hanging out with Miju when I briefly met Jonathan for the first time. Apparently, he and I are the only two people that Miju's met and liked since coming here to teach, so we know each other as Miju's "other 50%". At some point, Miju was bragging about the accuracy of her gaydar, which prompted a short discussion that Jonathan was absent for, if I recall correctly. Anywho, the next day, I met Miju at the Cheongdo Cow Fighting Festival. After we watched bulls wrestle around, we were standing outside of the arena when a pint-sized ajeoshi, skunked on soju, kept pestering us, wanting to get a picture with me even though he didn't have a camera because he was probably homeless. Eventually he came back enough for Miju to take a picture of him sidling up next to me with her phone. This wonderful photo she later modified to feature a lovely pink heart around me and the mini-ajeoshi as she and I were having drinks out on the town that night. She then added "Looks like my gaydar was wrong" to the photo and texted it to me as a souvenir. Except she really texted it to unsuspecting Jonathan, who responded with surprise at my gayness. Apparently he hadn't thought I was gay until she sent him that accidentally, which I suppose I should be grateful for.

So with this instance of mistaken text-messaging, Miju formulated the brilliant idea of not telling him it was a joke and inviting Jonathan out with me and her on April Fool's Day so I could act gay around him and we could giggle at how he reacted. I wasn't so sure about this, because I didn't want him to punch a hole through my head if he took it the wrong way, and because I don't really know the guy at all.

But I humored her idea, and a couple days later, came up with an even better idea. I play along with it BUT I let Jonathan in on the joke, and have him play along with it by receiving my questionably gay behavior and insinuations, and answering with his own. This way, Miju would think the prank is turning on me and her, and Jonathan is really gay, and she is the one who winds up being confused and uncomfortable, and Jonathan and I are laughing at her. I ran this by Jonathan the other day when I met him and a bunch of other guys to play flag football, and he is in, so the April Fool's Prank Prank is now afoot.