Tiny-Ass Dogs

I was walking home from downtown the other night, and I took a different route than I usually do. It only made sense, I was in a different part of downtown than I usually am, after all. It turned out that I was walking along the tiny-ass dog street.

In Korea, shops that sell the same thing come in clusters. There's a street in Daegu that is literally lined with cell phones stores, all selling the same thing. There must be 40 or 50 of them. There's a motorcycle street, and every shop sells used Daelims and Hyosungs that are dressed up to look like Hondas and Suzukis. Between my apartment and the bars and restaurants downtown there's a street that's lined with wedding shops. And I had just discovered the tiny-ass dog street, even though it was relatively low-scale. There were only four or five shops next to each other.

I don't really understand the interest in tiny-ass dogs. I could've fit a pair in my coat pocket, and I wasn't even wearing my coat with the big pockets. One of the workers was taking a couple out of their little display cube, and easily fit both in her hands. And this was a small Asian woman. I guess Korea is so crowded that you can't really expect everyone to walk around with a golden retriever or German Shepard. I guess Koreans are really into cute shit, so dogs that can fit in your purse seem like a good idea. Maybe people really just like Paris Hilton because she's famous and blond and was relevant to Western popular culture about three years ago.

But I still don't really get it. In fact, I have trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that these little fuckers are distantly related to the proud strong wolf. Thousands of years of selective breeding by humans sure can produce some interesting results. And as if the micro-chihuahuas aren't bizarre enough, they get dressed up in shirts and get their ears and tails dyed pink. If a wolf ever came across one of these freaks, it would be a quick snack.

The worst part about these shoe-sized mongrels though, is that a couple live really close to me. I think my neighbors have one of the little fuckers. I know there is another one that lives in the house on the other side of my apartment's parking lot. That bastard barks it's mindless head off whenever I leave or arrive on my motorcycle. I want to climb over the wall and punt it. That one isn't so bad though. It's not actually really really small, so it still sounds like a dog when it barks.

My neighbor's dog though, really deserves to be made into a meal. I think it would make a good batch of boshin-tang. If it hears my footsteps in the hallway, it barks. If the other dog starts barking, it barks. If its 5AM and there's nothing else to do, it barks. And it barks like a small dog, which means it really just yelps. It doesn't start or stop for any decent reason. I want it dead.

Over the winter, I had my windows closed a lot, and I'm guessing my neighbors did too. Maybe the little fucker was happy lying on the heated floor and shutting its mouth. But since spring has come, its been a different story. It's not so bad on the weekdays because I get up a little after 7AM anyway. But on the weekends, I want to sleep in. Now, sleeping in means I sleep until the dog wakes me up. Sometimes I can ignore it. Those are the good days.

Maybe one day I'll dog-nap it and leave it out on the street to fend for its pathetic, groomed, long white-haired self. It wouldn't survive a week. There are street dogs which were once of the domesticated breed but have essentially turned into wild animals adapted to the city as their habitat. These street dogs wouldn't let the little princess have a scrap to eat. They'd probably just maul it to death for fun. Then I could sleep easy.