Tiny-Ass Dogs

I was walking home from downtown the other night, and I took a different route than I usually do. It only made sense, I was in a different part of downtown than I usually am, after all. It turned out that I was walking along the tiny-ass dog street.

In Korea, shops that sell the same thing come in clusters. There's a street in Daegu that is literally lined with cell phones stores, all selling the same thing. There must be 40 or 50 of them. There's a motorcycle street, and every shop sells used Daelims and Hyosungs that are dressed up to look like Hondas and Suzukis. Between my apartment and the bars and restaurants downtown there's a street that's lined with wedding shops. And I had just discovered the tiny-ass dog street, even though it was relatively low-scale. There were only four or five shops next to each other.

I don't really understand the interest in tiny-ass dogs. I could've fit a pair in my coat pocket, and I wasn't even wearing my coat with the big pockets. One of the workers was taking a couple out of their little display cube, and easily fit both in her hands. And this was a small Asian woman. I guess Korea is so crowded that you can't really expect everyone to walk around with a golden retriever or German Shepard. I guess Koreans are really into cute shit, so dogs that can fit in your purse seem like a good idea. Maybe people really just like Paris Hilton because she's famous and blond and was relevant to Western popular culture about three years ago.

But I still don't really get it. In fact, I have trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that these little fuckers are distantly related to the proud strong wolf. Thousands of years of selective breeding by humans sure can produce some interesting results. And as if the micro-chihuahuas aren't bizarre enough, they get dressed up in shirts and get their ears and tails dyed pink. If a wolf ever came across one of these freaks, it would be a quick snack.

The worst part about these shoe-sized mongrels though, is that a couple live really close to me. I think my neighbors have one of the little fuckers. I know there is another one that lives in the house on the other side of my apartment's parking lot. That bastard barks it's mindless head off whenever I leave or arrive on my motorcycle. I want to climb over the wall and punt it. That one isn't so bad though. It's not actually really really small, so it still sounds like a dog when it barks.

My neighbor's dog though, really deserves to be made into a meal. I think it would make a good batch of boshin-tang. If it hears my footsteps in the hallway, it barks. If the other dog starts barking, it barks. If its 5AM and there's nothing else to do, it barks. And it barks like a small dog, which means it really just yelps. It doesn't start or stop for any decent reason. I want it dead.

Over the winter, I had my windows closed a lot, and I'm guessing my neighbors did too. Maybe the little fucker was happy lying on the heated floor and shutting its mouth. But since spring has come, its been a different story. It's not so bad on the weekdays because I get up a little after 7AM anyway. But on the weekends, I want to sleep in. Now, sleeping in means I sleep until the dog wakes me up. Sometimes I can ignore it. Those are the good days.

Maybe one day I'll dog-nap it and leave it out on the street to fend for its pathetic, groomed, long white-haired self. It wouldn't survive a week. There are street dogs which were once of the domesticated breed but have essentially turned into wild animals adapted to the city as their habitat. These street dogs wouldn't let the little princess have a scrap to eat. They'd probably just maul it to death for fun. Then I could sleep easy.

Flag Progress

This is the current state of my delivery-menu Korean flag:



I haven't had much time to work on it lately. Between getting to the climbing gym twice a week, seeing my new girlfriend, and meeting up with my other friends, I'm a very busy man.

I still intend to keep up with this though. Hopefully I can get at least one session in this week. I ran into a friend from my old neighborhood downtown this weekend, and he said he was really into this. He's been checking out the photo updates I post on Facebook. Now that I know some people actually pay attention to these photos, I feel like I can't let him down.

I'm going to add this link to my sidebar so you loyal readers of mine can check up on it without digging through my multitudinous posts. If you click into the gallery, you can see a larger photo of the progress after each session. And by session, I mean album. I listen to an album and glue little pieces of paper onto a larger piece of paper. Not only can you see each album's progress, but I even thoughtfully let you know what album I listened to so you can marvel at the scope of my musical interests.

April Fool's Day Prank Prank Results

So I suppose the April Fool's Day Prank Prank was fairly successful. The three of us had dinner at a rotisserie chicken and dish-pizza restaurant that was overly hip in the vein of polished concrete floors and tractors as decoration. I could only bring myself to act so gay before I started to feel weird. Anyway, at the restaurant we compared hand sizes and I talked about how big his muscles were and how he looked really strong when he had his shirt off after playing flag-football on Saturday mornings.

Also, I wore this really tight Korean shirt I bought awhile back. It's white, short-sleeved, and has a deep buttoned collar that is lined with something that looks like tuxedo ruffles. I was gonna go with nothing underneath, but that would've been overkill if my nipples were out in broad sight.

After the restaurant, I bought everyone cupcakes. Then we went to a teddy bear cafe. We sat at a table with teddy bears in a large room dominated by pinks, blues, and other pastels and various forms of lace. I fed Jonathan snacks and Miju had to excuse herself to the restroom to avoid cracking up in our faces over that move. Jonanthan and I both agreed we had to step up our act, because until that point I guess we hadn't been selling it too well. Jonathan had been questioning Miju about me, asking what was up with me, and if I was really a high school cheerleader like I claimed, but she didn't seem to think I was being gay enough.

As we were walking to the subway, I kept inviting Jonathan to a gay club I claimed to visit a lot, and also to the public baths where we would have to be naked together. Jonathan began talking to Miju separately, telling her he was reconsidering his position on me, and he had actually been involved with a bisexual dude in Texas. At first she didn't believe it, but she covertly sent me a text saying "He just told me he's bi!" and gave me a signal to cut the act out on the down-low.

As she went into the subway alone, Jonathan and I were cracking up, and decided he would text her saying to wait, that he has one more thing to tell her, and I would follow him down and we'd surprise her with a big "April Fool's!" He was talking to her at the ticket machine as I hid behind a dividing wall. I snuck up behind them as they were walking towards the gates and just before she went though, she turned around to see me with a super confused and worried look on her face. We had our laugh as she figured out what was going on. She was a bit angry, but not that angry I guess, because now she and I are dating.